Best/Funniest Insult!

[c.c]

Two million sperm & you were the fastest!

 

[tac]

'Forgotten but not gone....'

 

[confidis]

The best IT hidden insult I heard was when someone called up with an IT issue, but actually there was no IT issues, it was just them, not knowing how to use the computer/software, etc. The IT bods would call the problem "BCAK", eg: Between Chair and Keyboard.

Picnic
Problem in chair not computer

 

[confidis]

Reserved for the wife
Sorry? I wasn't listening

 

[FPoole]

Got to use this on the fellow who sits in front of me, in church.
He said he had a bad headache, and I told him, I knew that head was going to give you trouble the first time I saw it.

 

[DanSimpson]

You were a waste of perfectly good sperms, yer mother should have swallowed when she had the chance......

 

[pjgtech]

"your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

Lol, come on keep up, see post #1

 

[Si Titor]

Lol, come on keep up, see post #1

haha i missed the last bit of your post damn

 

[Twelver]

One of my work mates used to tell me ,your a waste of a good skin and not fit to sleep with Pigs,, he's now one of my biggest customers and still says it!!

 

[Neil123]

The one I like (and used a heck of a lot when I was an IT Technician) if a person was seriously incompetent with a computer, I used an insult adapted from Dickens "He is in possession of equipment to which he can establish no legitimate pretensions". If the person being insulted is sufficiently stupid, they don't even realise I'm being rude.

A more direct version I've heard is
"The technology exceeds his ability"
Most recently heard being used to describe a security guard after the 4th call out caused by inputting the password incorrectly numerous times.
The password was "Security" and even after we pointed out that the password was written on the front of his hat, he still locked the system up two more times

 

[no country members]

"You don't sweat much for a fat lass" - source unknown but largely attributed to Les Dawson

Thought that was Royston Vasey.

 

[Attempting accuracy]

Not exactly an insult but one I got in reply to calling in sick with the squits years ago:

Boss: you need a spoonful of bisto.
Me: err, eh, wtf?
Boss: it browns and thickens .

At that point I’d have willingly eaten a spoonful too.

 

[Caruso]

Another one from Churchill "a modest man with much to be modest about".

 

[HarrySmithsonian]

Fishface
Braniac

 

[Stockscrew]

Talking of politicians, 'like a bag of fishheads, all gob'.

 

[Chrisj]

I bet your mother wanted a boy.

 

[Gap-Shot]

I was looking at you and didn't see you.

 

[Rich79]

Frankie Boyle
If Piers Morgan fell face first into an offal grinder it'd be enough to give Ghandi an erection.

 

[pjgtech]

If he fell into a barrel of T*ts, he'd still come out sucking his thumb!

 

[That hurts]

More confused than a blind nun in a fish market