Best/Funniest Insult!

[pjgtech]

Just seem some of the mods reasons for banning members on the AGF, and their accompanying "descriptions" of the said banned person, including the latest, eg: "Spunk Trumpet"! Which BTW is an excellent description.

The thought occurred to me, What are some of the best/funniest insults that you have heard, or even used yourself?

Couple that immediately sprang to mind for me are:

Oxygen Thief
I think there's a village somewhere missing an Idiot?
Your face makes Onions cry
Sharp as a Marble
A sandwich short of a picnic
The lights are on but no-bodies home

Then there's the all time classic Monty Python one - "Your Mother was a Hamster and your Father smelt of Elderberries!"

 

[UncouthJ]

Face like a bucket of smashed crabs

 

[UncouthJ]

Should've been swallowed

 

[Backgardenplinker]

Might need to be careful with his thread

 

[Smiler123]

I'm not as daft as you look.

 

[That hurts]

More of a funny retort than a direct insult, but I will never forget the first time a mate got to use his favourite down his local ... fairly well oiled, him and a few of the lads were using fruity language at the bar when a very well to do and spoken gent tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to stop swearing in front of his wife ... to which Dave replied, "I'm so sorry old boy, I didn't realise it was her turn."

 

[Richard James]

The one I like (and used a heck of a lot when I was an IT Technician) if a person was seriously incompetent with a computer, I used an insult adapted from Dickens "He is in possession of equipment to which he can establish no legitimate pretensions". If the person being insulted is sufficiently stupid, they don't even realise I'm being rude.

 

[Bren]

Helmet

 

[Richard James]

BTW, in the Army, the expression "S**** T******" was a reference to a woman who tended to be somewhat easily enticed.

I never realised it could refer to a male part instead. You learn something every day.

 

[BallisticBill]

I'd call you a b**tard but you're too ugly to be a love child.

 

[Chrisj]

Looks like they have had the Croydon face lift, or they have a wing nut.

 

[Smiler123]

Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

 

[Smiler123]

You seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy.

 

[Gary Jones]

Old fella in work used to like saying about someone who was inept....

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs.

 

[joe average]

Got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

 

[4ndy]

Your Face… My Ar$e

Was used a lot growing up.

Got thumped a few times for saying iirc.

 

[Gary Jones]

Balloon head and gobshite are two of my dad's favourites

 

[Smiler123]

One of Jimmy Carr's best replies after being heckled.....

"If you want my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mother's teeth".

 

[Cinimod]

Foad for a harsh insult and I also like c.untybollox for a general one…….dom

 

[Patrick]

In some comedy on tele some posh knobhead gets arrested for D&D and tries to intimidate the police officer by saying, "do you know who may father is" to which the officer replies , " no sir but i'm sure if you ask your mother she'd be able to tell you".

You don't have to be a prick all the time you can take the day off occasionally.

My grandmother used to say they're so bloody daft/stupid they wouldn't know shit from pipe clay.