Best/Funniest Insult!

[pjgtech]

The one I like (and used a heck of a lot when I was an IT Technician) if a person was seriously incompetent with a computer, I used an insult adapted from Dickens "He is in possession of equipment to which he can establish no legitimate pretensions". If the person being insulted is sufficiently stupid, they don't even realise I'm being rude.

The best IT hidden insult I heard was when someone called up with an IT issue, but actually there was no IT issues, it was just them, not knowing how to use the computer/software, etc. The IT bods would call the problem "BCAK", eg: Between Chair and Keyboard.

 

[pjgtech]

Peter Kay has a great one - "When someone says penny for your thoughts ....... Sell!"

 

[Jay Butts]

I could always agree with you and say you were right but then we’d both be wrong.

 

[Steve.D]

You was so ugly as a child your mother used to feed you with a catapult.
The other phrase I like is "Cockwomble"

 

[That hurts]

When you were born, the midwife slapped your mother

 

[pjgtech]

Phil Tufnel once talked about a legendary Sledge (wind up/insult) he got whilst playing the Aussies.
One of the Ozzy team called out to him and asked, "Hey Phil can we borrow your brain, we are trying to build an Idiot?"

 

[Spud gun]

If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid

 

[Dave-H]

His face is not so much ‘lived in’ … more ‘vandalised’ ….

When you fell out of the ugly tree you must have hit every branch on the way down …

For bearded peeps - Just because you have hair around your lips, there’s no need to act like a c**t too ….

 

[HarrySmithsonian]

When I worked in a prison one of the most common insults was’ suck your mum’
I never got the logic of that

 

[ibo7]

Old fella in work used to like saying about someone who was inept....

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs.

I'm having that one!!!

 

[Attempting accuracy]

You have a face like treasure, better off buried

 

[ibo7]

I wish your dad wiped you on the curtains

 

[Dudd I]

The speed of light is faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouth

 

[Waterdiddy]

On a RAF assessment - Sets himself a very low standard and constantly fails to meet it!

 

[UncouthJ]

Well as the nether barrier has been breached...

Had a fanny like an Eskimos canoe!

 

[Si Titor]

"your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

 

[David M]

I remember being best man for a mate and later on after the meal and speeches an elderly woman came up to me and just said 'it's difficult doing a speech when you're not naturally funny'....

 

[Jay Butts]

Well as the nether barrier has been breached...

Had a fanny like an Eskimos canoe!

Wizard’s sleeve…..

 

[Sussex124]

"You don't sweat much for a fat lass" - source unknown but largely attributed to Les Dawson

 

[wiltshirejohn]

To someone who has been peed-off by something:

"It's no good sitting there with yer mouth screwed-up like a cat's arse".