clean jokes thread

[RJ]

A Fella's going out with a very posh bird, she's takes him back to her parents mansion, they quietly open the front door and she's goes shush shush there very light sleepers. They get snuggled up on a very large couch and start to get passionate he whisper's i need the toilet, she say's you can't go upstairs you will waken mummy or daddy, she say's you will have to go in the sink. Up he gets after a few minutes he goes pssst pssst i need some paper

 

[USA Bubba]

Why do wild geese fly south for the winter?


– Because it’s too far to walk.

Do you know why one side of the v is longer?



More geese in it.

 

[Moz58]

 

[Arnold Grove]

Do you know why one side of the v is longer?



More geese in it.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

My vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.

"What are these little round things?" I asked.

"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?" she said.

"Of course I have. My last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question."

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

Been feeling very muggy today.

So far I've taken three purses, four handbags and an iPhone.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

I've heard a rumour that a mate of mine has been seen with an over inflated sex doll.

When l called to ask about it, he told me, "it's been blown out of all proportion".

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

The local Jewish police informer has become a gardener, he's now really known as...


Mo the grass.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

I have feefiphobia!


It's the fear of giants.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from dairrhoea.....


Does that mean 1 actually enjoys it?

 

[Hw 100 kt fan]

I've heard a rumour that a mate of mine has been seen with an over inflated sex doll.

When l called to ask about it, he told me, "it's been blown out of all proportion".

I had a blowup doll but I got rid of it It kept going down on me

 

[joe average]

5 out of 4 people are rubbish at maths

 

[Xjacket]

Was fuming this morning after getting off the phone with the Doctors. Said I was that old he was referring me to an Archeologist, said to the wife “what a cheeky twat”. She looked at me and sighed and said “An Audiologist you deaf twat”

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

My dad was a ladies man.

Despite the toilets being signposted correctly.

 

[stiggy]

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are always wanted!!

 

[MikeyB]

Prescription for Dailey Sex?

 

[Wing Commander]

 

[Xjacket]

Getting old is terrible. I blacked out for 20 minutes this morning, then I realised I’d put my bloody hoodie on backwards.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

My girlfriend accused me of cheating when she found my hidden letters.

She takes Scrabble very seriously!

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

Does Oscar Pistorious have a large carbon footprint?