clean jokes thread

[nosmo]

A family walks into a hotel. The father walks up to the front desk and says, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."

The desk clerk says, "It's just regular porn, you sick fu*k."

 

[KWK1]

Why did Batman RUN to the Batcave?


He had to go to the Batroom!

 

[KWK1]

When do Chinese make their dentist appointment?


Tooth hurty

 

[KWK1]

 

[Wing Commander]

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

I bought an aeroplane from Matalan yesterday, the girl on the till asked, "do you want the hangar"?

I replied, "where else am I going to keep it"?

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

It was open mic night at the pub last night, I arrived expecting singing and happy people.

But it was an autopsy!

 

[Xjacket]

walking past a bus that had broken down in town and the driver was out trying to fix it when I heard a woman lean out the door and say “ do you want a screwdriver”? he said “ leave it out, I’m late enough as it is”

 

[Xjacket]

I know the voices in my head aren’t real but by heck the come up with some great stuff

 

[RJ]

What do you call a nun riding a push bike ? Virgin mobile

 

[Xjacket]

I help my neighbour out this morning and she said “thank you so much, I could marry you” I thought bloody hell you do something nice for someone and they then want to ruin your life

 

[Dudd I]

Bumped into a mate the other day. Said he's got a new job at the bowling alley.
Asked if it was permanent
No, ten pin he replied

 

[stiggy]

Q: Whats the difference between a ginger and a brick?

A: At least a brick gets laid.

 

[stiggy]

Q: Why are women like clouds?

A: Eventually they go away and its a nice day!!!!

 

[Wing Commander]

Robin hood lying on his deathbed shouting for Friar Tuck...."Tuck,Tuck...someone get me Friar Tuck"

Fria Tuck comes running in and says, "What do you want"?

"Get me my Longbow and one Arrow.....where ever this arrow lands bury me there."

We buried him in the Ceiling......

 

[stiggy]

Pulled into a layby today and noticed a sign that said no dumping which was really lucky as I only wanted a piss!!!!

 

[Wing Commander]

So, who's borrowing the family brain cell this week...

 

[stiggy]

What's the difference between a knife and arguing with a woman?

A knife usually has a point.

 

[Horiontal Jogger]

What's the difference between a wife and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

 

[gen100]

What do you call a nun riding a push bike ? Virgin mobile

Met a nun coming along a narrow cliff path the other day, I didn't know whether to block her passage, or toss myself off ? .
(Max Miller 1949)