The art of annoying the wife....

[JohnnySweden]

Here I am, sitting in front of a fading fireplace with the cute little sighthound Sixten sleeping in my lap while I slowly pat him...

Wife peeks at me and finally comment:

- You've been fondling Sixten all evening, what's up?

Me: - Nothing, he's just a man's best friend...

Wife: *looking annoyed* I am your wife!

Me: - You sure is...

Wife: -"So, what's the deal?"

Me: - He's still a man's best friend...

Wife: *even more annoyed* - What do you mean?

Me: - He will pass the trunk-test easily, but you'll fail it.

Wife: *looking surprised* -What? The what-test??

Me: The trunk-test!

Wife: - What's that?

Me: Imagine me lifting Sixten into the trunk of a typical old fashioned saloon car.

I shut the lid and then drive around with him for an hour on bumpy gravel roads.

Finally I open the trunk and then he would be standing there on his rear paws wagging his tail of pure joy seeing me again.

Wife: *suspicious* - So...?

Me: - Now imagine me telling you I have a gift for you in the same trunk. When you lean over I just flip you into it and then locks it.

Once again I drive around those bumpy gravel roads for another hour before I open the trunk, now how would YOU greet me?

Wife - I would slap you silly..!!!

Me: There you see, he would pass the trunk-test, you wouldn't...hence, he's the man's best friend...

Wife *walks into the bedroom and shuts the door*

So... here I am alone in front of the fireplace together with my favorite cold beverage and a joyfully sleeping Sixten in my lap while I comfort him...

*Don't think I will getting anything tonight*

Have a nice upcoming week, everyone!

 

[chris l]

Don't go to sleep....

 

[Thameside]

Have you locked the bedroom door so she can't get out

 

[That hurts]

All I have to do to get mine going is say, 'Good morning' ... mind you, chances are I will have left a particularly stinky fart in bed for her to appreciate

 

[bear-uk]

I just have to be breathing to annoy my better half

 

[HarrySmithsonian]

THE wife.

 

[chris l]

If a man is alone on a forest, and his wife is not there, and he speaks....

Is he still wrong?

(Apologies to Bishop Berkley_)

 

[Pavarotti]

there are only 3 things abut me that really annoy Mrs Pavarotti. Everything I think, or do or say

 

[Sharpsman]

Just breathing used to annoy mine , I once said is it to loud and she said it's not that it's just because you are , she's somebody else's problem now thankfully.

 

[Jesterdog]

Years ago having suffered Corondale Enders in silence, it was followed by a good si-fi film. And so it started yak yak yak.
I told her we'll have to get into bandage. Just imagine, I'll take you upstairs, strip you naked, tie you to the bed, blindfold you and gag you ...... then come downstairs and watch telly in peace - now wrap up!
Good for at least 48hrs silence

 

[Gummage]

Mine doesn't get annoyed at anything I do, try as I might to get that response.
Most frustrating

 

[Steve sxs 1;]

"what a life without a wife un what a bugger with one"

 

[Fatbob 59]

 

[Dudd I]

You'll be getting something tonight. A very large dose of cold shoulder. How's the summer house this time of year?

 

[danw71]

I annoyed the wife when I signed the death warrant, sorry marriage certificate..........30 years on , I'm still here more annoying than ever

 

[Matt@Nearfield]

When Mrs N is grumpy I like to drape a towel over her shoulders so she can be 'SUPER GRUMPY'

 

[Paynut]

In conversation when we talk, she says she can’t hear me, I mumble, so when I repeat myself loudly, she gets annoyed and tells me not to shout, so don’t talk unless absolutely necessary …….BONUS