Hw 100 kt fan
Super member
He’s not the messiah he’s a very naughty boy
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the Daily hi thread
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clean jokes thread
- Thread starter monsta41
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He’s not the messiah he’s a very naughty boy
Horiontal Jogger
Super member
Lada are re-launching the Niva as a new hybrid car, on a 20 mile journey, the petrol engine works for the first 3 miles, you push it the rest of the way.
Horiontal Jogger
Super member
THE JAPANESE DOCTOR
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Remember:Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Remember:Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Horiontal Jogger
Super member
I can tell you that Rohypnol works, I woke up this morning with a sore arse and no idea how l got home!
NO,NO,NO I miss my Niva.
Shadowryder
Super member
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2022
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Me too,
a great machine it was.
Wing Commander
Member Extraordinaire
Gym.Hodgson
Busy member
I have the memory of an elephant…
I once went to a zoo, and saw an elephant.
I once went to a zoo, and saw an elephant.
Horiontal Jogger
Super member
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Horiontal Jogger
Super member
Don't you just hate those guys who show up at your door and tell you that you need to be saved or you'll burn?
Bloody firemen.
Bloody firemen.
A blonde walked into a train station and asked for a one way ticked to Jeopardy and the clerk said sorry madam but there is no such place! The woman replied that she had just watched the news and it said there was 2000 jobs in Jeopardy so she just needs to get there to get one?
i had a niva and cossack they where a very good car better than the jimny more umph. it was the scoda that was a joke
Craftysod
Busy member
Thats why skodas had heated rear windows,to keep your hands warm when pushing it.
Craftysod
Busy member
Thats as bad as
What goes from green to red in a flick of a switch
Kermit in a blender.
What goes from green to red in a flick of a switch
Kermit in a blender.
I know some good ones, but most of them aren't clean or at least borderline
At least I won't be worried about the heating bills.
MikeyB
Member Extraordinaire
Craftysod
Busy member
My god that looks like my neighbour,going to check her ears next time i see her
